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野鸡大学附：50余所被美国夏威夷州政府起诉并败诉的“野鸡大学”名单： American World University Academy of Natural Therapies American Institute of Management Studies American International University of Management & Technology American National University American State University American States College American University of Hawaii Anglo American University Atlantic International University Brighton University Cambridge State University Culture University Earthnet Institute Eden University Empire University Frederick Taylor International University Friends International Christian University Golden Pacific University The Man of the HouseThe husband had just finished reading a new book entitled: "You Can Be the Man of Your House." He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly: "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"   His wife replied, "The %*!@#&% funeral director would be my guess."  A true lawyer story only in AmericaThis is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued... and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires." NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine. This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest. ONLY IN AMERICA!!! What is it?脚跨黄河天堑， 手握中央文件， 前边机枪扫射， 后边飞机扔炸弹。 。。。。 惊起。。。一片。 电话江姐来电话问： 国民党推翻了吗？答：被阿扁推翻了，国共成了好朋友！ 董存瑞来电话问：劳动人民还当牛做马吗？答：都下岗了，不劳动了！ 刘胡兰来电话问：姐妹们地位都提高了吧？答：提高了，都当小姐了。 杨子荣来电话问：土匪都剿灭了吧？答：都当警察了！ 雷锋来电问话： 地主都打倒了吗？答：都入党了。 马克思来电话问：资本家都消灭了吗？答：都进党中央了！ SleepingI read an article about sleep and would like to share it. We all have the experiences: when we are tired, we feel sleepy. When we are sleepy, we are unwilling to do things and unlike to talk, and if talk, we talk slowly and sometime hardly find the words to express us. After sleeping, we regain our energy. Emotionally, we feel good, and we think and act fast. So sleeping can make us physically and emotionally refresh. Scientists have found that sleeping can cure our bodies. While we are sleeping, our body produces a kind of chemical to fix cuts and diseases caused when we work, walk, or jump during the day. Some problems we may even not be aware of . Our immune systems also get refreshed after sleeping. Actually, scientists found while we are sleeping, our bodies produce a chemical to refresh and to maintain our immune systems. Scientists did a test that kept mouses awake. The mouses died after 16 days even they ate and drank well. After examining their bodies, scientists found there were germs in the mouses’ bodies, and these germs could be easily defeated by their immune systems if the mouses were in normal status. I guess the mouses’ immune systems just ran out of gas after 16 days and could not defend the bodies anymore. Everyone knows how important the immune systems are for our bodies. If the immune systems are destroyed, our bodies will be destroyed quickly by germs. Some scientists also think that sleeping helps us to develop our brains, because we dream while sleeping, and dreaming is the practice of our brain. When we dream, our brains are as active as they are when we are awake. This is why infants spend 1/3 sleeping time dreaming while adults spend 1/5. So, if you want to be smarter and look better, sleep more. 城里人和乡下人说是一个乡下土佬牵头驴进城,遇见一位骄傲的城里人. 城里人问,吃了吗? 乡下人非常感动,觉得城里人这么有礼貌,完全不象传说中的坏形象. 就回答,吃了.没想到城里人说,我没问你,我问这驴呢. 乡下人惊愕之余,回头骂驴, 你个死驴,你就从来没告诉过我你城里还有门亲戚. 天边飘走了一片云那天早上，我正吃早饭，朋友打电话来说你去了。 我惊呆了。失去了意识，失去了反应。在朋友的喂喂声中，我问了一句 “真的假的？” 放下电话，我呆坐在饭桌前，望着窗外，透过栅栏，看着那条小河。绿绿的，暖暖的，静静的一片。。。 那是新学期的第一次上课。我环顾四周，多数还是老面孔。突然你飘进教室，白色的上衣，白色的裙子，白白的皮肤，给昏暗的教室增添了一丝亮丽。 于是我们便成了同学，一起做作业，一起吃越南面，你还带我去看你们买的地皮。你说圣诞节前你们能搬进新房子。 回想起来，我对你的过去了解得真是有限。只知道你生于青岛，来于上海。 怎么会这么快？去年感恩节前的晚上，我们一起在朋友家吃饭，还讨论第二天去抢购什么。没想到再见到你已是一个在天上，一个在地上。 我领着妻儿，来到你面前。你捧着鲜花，静静地躺着，一片安详。。。。。。我泪流满面。。。。。。 你先生指着相片介绍着你的一生。他说照片上的你看上去很忧郁。这一提醒我才发现确实如此。 你先生感谢朋友们在你生病期间给予的支持。我听了很惭愧。 记得读书时你曾对我说你感觉身体不适。不喜刨根问底的我没有追问是怎么回事。后来听说你得了乳腺癌。你没和我说，我也没有问。心想乳腺癌已不是致命的病。 后来你说你开始发胖了，我建议你去体育馆锻炼，还和你打过几次乒乓球。 后来我们通过几次电话，忘了都聊什么，但每次聊得都很长，很开心。 再后来，我疲于生计，我们好像失去了联系，虽然住得很近。 疲于生计只是借口，打几次电话的时间总是有的。 看着相片上忧郁的你，我悔恨没能给你多打几次电话。那样或许能帮你解脱一丝的忧郁。。。 悔恨只能令我心痛。你已没了感觉！你静静地躺在那里，听不到你先生的哭声，也看不到我在流泪。 屋里放着你生前喜欢的凄凄苦苦的《蝶恋花》，我感觉到了你对你短暂生命的留恋和无奈。。。 轻轻地，你走了，就像你轻轻地来。。。 你轻轻地走好！ Rent A ApartmentA businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT" On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note: Dear Madam, Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that; 1) It had never been occupied 2) That there was plenty of heat 3) That it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note: Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady. Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady. 儿子的拥抱昨天下班回家，儿子冲过来给了我一个拥抱。很踏实的那种。 我很意外。记忆中他主动给我拥抱还是他在幼儿园和学前班的时候。 问太太，太太说可能是由于他们回来的路上一直说话说得很高兴。 昨天是他们新学期第一天，或许是他在学校过得很高兴。 晚上竟然主动做作业。。。 看来他很喜欢他的学校，老师，和同学。 给人的一封电子邮件你曾问我对你的什么看法改变了，一直想给你说一说。因为是个人的事情， 所以Ｅ给你。 先说说我。我经常出没在体育坛，始终是这套中文马甲（虽然网友另外给我
缝制了一套，我很少用）。我在五味潜水已久，从未用这件马甲上过贴。这件 马甲不能在五味上帖。我想原因有二。一，五味的版主把我误以为是另外的 人（曾经有个中山狼很不招人喜欢）；二，我在沙龙曾得罪过五味的版主。无 论那个原因我都不得而知。 你在五味的出现以至引起我的注意是你的文章和那次与网人的吵架。开始
我以为你是个涉世不深的黄毛丫头，你的文章多是管中窥豹，以点见面，推 理想象的成分居多，而且有些还性相连。令本狼烦躁的是你还叽叽喳喳地 叫个不停。对于吵架，无论是有理没理，撒泼骂街都不会给本狼留下好印象。 本狼以为那次吵架暴露了你的斤斤计较的品质。这激得本狼恶向胆边生， 想担起挽救走上邪路的年轻人的责任。 所幸本狼不能在五味上帖，否则你不是尸横五味，也是伤痕累累，心灵遭
重创。后来在茶馆砸过你，但那时本狼心情以趋平和。 让我转变看法的是你帮人整理文章。这让我看到了你乐于助人和温柔的内 容。当然你后来的文章和发言也显示了你的大度和努力冲击狭隘的一面。 我不知道这是本来的你还是改变了的你，总之这个你本狼能够接受。 因为不能在五味回贴，所以有时去你的博克涂鸦。本人不善马屁，以嚎著称，
且狼口无象牙，如果你不喜欢可以封掉。 祝你网游愉快！
红山狼
车的颜色那时候没车，也没有有车的希望，只是蹬着自行车看着往来的汽车， 觉得黑色最好看，庄重而神秘，给人留下无限的猜测。 那时候可以买个旧车了，却觉得黑色太古板没有生气， 墨绿成为我的最爱，深沉神秘，不失生气。 可是当时的经济条件还不足以让我挑剔颜色享受色彩， 把钱都用在了发动机的性能和少出毛病上了。 那时候终于可以买新车了，却买了一辆蓝色而不是墨绿， 因为车行墨绿没现货，而我没有等待的心情和时间。 蓝色可以接受，时到今天仍被接受。 现在可以买新车而且也有等待的心情和时间了， 却发现不知道自己喜欢什么颜色了。 买一辆紫红色的吧。觉得大街上这种颜色不多，有点儿与众不同。 开起来才发现其实街上红色也很多，深红，紫红，浅红。。。。。 尤其是红色棱志的发现几乎让我没有了任何与众不同。 好在还没有看到红色的奔驰。。。 BraggingThree men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania. He bragged that he had told his wife to do all the dishes and clean the house. He said that it took hera couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Ohio. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cooking and cleaning. He told the men that the first day he didn't see any results, but by the next day it was better, and on the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a Maine girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry folded. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye. 好奇心早晨上班，在高速上正跑着，前边的车突然慢了起来，而且车辆增多。 经验告诉我前面有车祸。 果不出所料，一辆Ｆ１５０冲出路面，撞入一家围墙。 两辆警车两辆救火车一辆救护车闪着灯停在路边，车道一条没封。 遇到这种情况人们慢下来，一是为了安全，二是想看看出了什么事。 为安全而慢我是理解的，对那些想看看出了什么事的人有些气愤。 你能看清吗，看清了你又能怎样？ 尤其是对面的人也慢下来伸出头看，影响交通。 这已不是第一次。 在国内遇到过人们停下自行车围观的场景，当时觉得人们太好事。 以前以为老外不好事不喜欢围观。我错了。 人的好奇心会因为人的年龄和经历而不同但不会因为肤色而改变。 这是我从WIKIPEDIA百科全书查到的： Curiosity In essence, "curiosity" is a term that describes an unknown number of behavioural and psychological mechanisms, which have the effect of impelling beings to seek information and interaction with their natural environment and with other beings in their vicinity. Causes Curiosity is most likely a natural instinct developed by evolution; curiousity confers a survival advantage to certain species, and can be found in their genomes (see Behavioral Genetics). Who is affected? Curiosity is common to human beings at all ages; from infancy to old age, and is easy to observe in many other animal species. These include apes, cats, fish, reptiles, and insects; as well as many others. Many aspects of exploration are shared among all beings, as all known terrestrial beings share similar aspects: limited size, and a need to seek out food sources. Many famous historical figures where affected strongly by curiosity, to explore and conquer, for example, Colombus, Balboa, Magellan, Coronado, Sir Francis Drake, etc. to name a few. 家庭妇女和白领女性家庭妇女和白领女性哪个更吸引男人都眼球？ 我觉得是白领女性。因为 白领女性因为工作的缘故，能够及时了解和掌握新知识和新技能，能与 时共进，充满灵气。 白领女性工作中天天与人打交道，与各种各样的人打交道，历练得更老 练，更犀利，更具有朝气。 白领女性因为每天上班的缘故，更注重自己的仪表和衣饰打扮，抑瑕扬 瑜地展示自己。 而家庭妇女往往与此背道而驰，不注重打扮，知识落后，生活缺乏朝气。 令人沮丧的是成功的男人往往希望有个家庭妇女式的妻子照顾房子和 孩子，就像人们喜欢把野外亮丽的鲜花采摘插入屋里的花瓶里。这也 是一件美好的事儿如果采花人不再被外面其他的野花所吸引。 Blonde vs. Blonde
Texan A young woman, wearing a tight leather mini-skirt with
matching tight leather boots and jacket, was waiting for the city bus. When the young woman stepped up to board the bus, she quickly realized that her skirt was too tight. The embarrassed young woman reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little. She hoped this would give her enough slack to climb the stairs onto the bus. Much to her chagrin, though, that didn't help. A big Texan, who was in line behind the embarrassed, young woman, gently lifted her from the waist and helped her onto the bus. As expected, the young woman went ballistic, and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him, "How dare you touch me! I don't even know who you are!" The big Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but since you were unzippin' my fly, I kinda figured that we was friends!" Little Johnny Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a
result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size." Blonde one A blonde got a job with the Public Works Department. She
was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away. The supervisor, checking up at the end of the day, found the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average!! "Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out." The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet." The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the new employee in and says, "You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?" The blonde replied, "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the bucket." Only in AmericaOnly in America......do
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